BROADSIDES

September 30, 2003

WABAC Wesley Calls For Investigation
When it comes to investigating a particularly lame allegation about a press leak and the CIA, an independent counsel isn't enough for Wesley "Cuckoo" Clark. Nope. The disgraced former NATO commander wants a commission to look into the matter.

The Houston Chronicle reports Clark's clumsily worded remarks: "We need an independent commission that can unpack this administration's dirty laundry on the intelligence community."

Forget the commission, Wes. You could save the taxpayers a lot of money if you'd just get into your time machine and go back to the moment Bob Novak met with his confidential source.

B. Sides @ 5:15 PM

Wesley's WABAC Machine
It's official: Wesley Clark is, well, a kook. Wired reports (via Drudge) that while campaigning in New Hampshire last weekend, Clark enthusiastically discussed his belief that traveling faster than the speed of light--or time travel--is technologically feasible and a worthy scientific goal.

Clark is so serious about making time travel a campaign issue that he's hired two consultants on the matter, both of whom are seen here presenting their discoveries to the press.

B. Sides @ 4:53 PM

September 29, 2003

Yes, We Have No Tequila
Reuters reports that "Mexico is threatening to cut off all bulk exports of Tequila, claiming it needs to tighten quality controls on the gold-plated namebrand that is owned by the Mexican government and supposedly assures every bottle's high quality."

Finally...Ted Kennedy's liver may get a break.

B. Sides @ 2:59 PM

September 26, 2003

Crazy Clark's "New Patriotism"
Wesley Clark, the Sybil of Democratic presidential candidates -- I'm for the war! I'm against the war! No, I'm not! Yes, I am! -- is calling for a "new patriotism".

Slate quotes the unhinged Clark: "The highest form of patriotism is asking questions. Because democracies run on dialogue. Democracies run on discussion. No administration has the right to tell Americans that to dissent is disloyal, and to disagree is unpatriotic. ... We need a new spirit, a new kind of, a new American patriotism in this country. …"

Clark's comments raise one question: What the hell is he talking about?

Apparently Clark believes there is something fundamentally flawed about the patriotism which led colonial Americans to tell King George III to shove his crown. This is the same patriotism which for 227 years has inspired Americans to work hard, provide for their families, vote, risk their wealth starting businesses and risk their lives defending the freedom which makes it all possible.

This is the same patriotism which made America, as Lincoln put it, the last, best hope on Earth. And yet, Wesley Clark wants to replace it with a new patriotism that he can't quite define.

Perhaps Charlie Rangel, a grotesque Democratic congressman from New York and a fervent Clark supporter, provided a glimpse of Clark's new patriotism. In Time magazine, Rangel gives his assessment of Wesley Clark: "He can save this goddamn nation from self-destruction". There you have it; Wesley Clark's new patriots characterize the United States as a "goddamn nation" -- even while we're at war.

If Clark shares Rangel's sentiment about America, he, like Rangel, is a traitor. And those who point at Clark and Rangel's military service to discount accusations of treason should remember this: Benedict Arnold was a general.

B. Sides @ 12:38 AM

September 24, 2003

How To Lose 49 States And, Eventually, 50
Just in case you're ever a Democratic presidential nominee and you want to ensure you lose in a spectacularly dramatic way, Walter Mondale offers some advice as reported in the New York Post:

Former presidential candidate Walter Mondale is proud he favored taxes, rather than tax cuts, even though he lost in a landslide in 1984. In D.C. Wednesday at a conference with Jimmy Carter to discuss the Camp David accords, former Carter adviser Leon Charney asked Mondale, "When you were running for president, why did you mention that you would raise taxes? That was the kiss of death." Mondale responded, "I already knew that the race was lost, and I just felt an obligation to warn Americans of an impending financial crisis. When you're just a private citizen, no one listens. So I took the opportunity while I still had the podium." Mondale must have forgotten how Ronald Reagan, after beating Mondale, cut taxes and created the biggest economic boom in history.

One small correction to the Post article. Reagan's tax cuts were passed before he beat Mondale.

An interesting footnote . . . the only state Mondale won in the '84 election was his home state of Minnesota which he then went on to lose in the Senate election of 2002. A clean sweep!

Fritz, apparently no one listens when you have the podium either!

B. Sides @ 1:09 PM

Byrd Droppings Update
I just flipped on Fox News and saw former [wink-wink] Klansman Robert Byrd of West Virginia attempting to grill Don Rumsfeld about the president's Iraq policy. I could listen to the ol' grand keegle slobber all day long. He's thoroughly entertaining in the same way that the Bearded Lady, Lobster Boy, the Elephant Man and Ted Kennedy are.

As usual, Byrd couldn't open his piehole without referencing his senior Senate status -- as if the fact that he's been in the Senate since the Jurassic period gives him carte blanche to be an obnoxious asshole.

One irony: Byrd's hair is the same color as the hood stored in his attic.

B. Sides @ 10:42 AM

September 11, 2003

Support Our Warriors
What better way to honor the victims of the September Attacks than by supporting the people avenging their deaths and protecting America from further attacks? Operation Military Pride offers Americans the opportunity to write to and sponsor military servicemembers deployed overseas in the War on Terrorism. Just go to the website, sign-up and OMP will forward the name and address of a servicemember along with suggestions on how to help.

You can send your servicemember just about anything: food, clothing, DVDs, books, magazines or just a letter. When you're thousands of miles from your home and family and risking your life everyday in extreme climates fighting cold-blooded killers, something as simple as a letter from an appreciative American is a morale booster beyond measure.

Let the troops know you support them and, as Ted Olson put it, "pull an oar" in the war to defend America.

B. Sides @ 11:43 AM

Victory: A Worthy Memorial
Two years ago today, author Barbara Olson, her fellow passengers on American Airlines Flight 77 and thousands of other innocents in Washington, New York and Pennsylvania were murdered by state-sponsored Islamist terrorists. In a speech today--the text of which is posted on OpinionJournal--Barbara's husband, U.S. Solicitor-General Ted Olson, said that merely remembering "the victims of September 11" is "not remotely sufficient". An excerpt:

We must engrave their faces and tragically shortened histories on our hearts and in our souls. We must commit ourselves to the only goal that is worthy of their memories: to eradicate the disease that killed them, wherever it is and however long is takes. Their suffering and deaths must fuel our dedication to stamp out this cancer, and, in doing so, save those we love, and those who come after us, from future September elevens and the pain, loneliness and helplessness we experienced on that day two years ago and have lived with every day since then.

We can never forget, but we can never even rest until that debt is paid, and September 11 can be remembered not as a beginning of a slide into chaos, but as the beginning of the end of blind, ruthless, random brutality, and the tears of orphaned children, the screams of hideously burned bodies, and the numbing grief that terrorism delivers.

We cannot give up until that goal is attained, whether it comes in our lifetime or not. If we do not persevere, we will be haunted for eternity by the memories of those who were taken from us on September 11. We cannot forget them or let them down.

We do not have to be a president, solider, attorney general, prosecutor or intelligence agent to wage this battle and win this war. Every one of us, in little ways, in thoughts and words and spirit, can pull an oar, however small or seemingly slight. Each of us can make a difference. But it will take all of us, in our own individual lives, to lead or somehow, in some way, support the achievement of this goal. If we do not, we will pay a tragic price in our neighborhoods, our schools, and our homes. None of us, no matter where we live, no matter how carefully we live our lives, is immune from terrorism. We will either root it out and extinguish it wherever it may hide, or it will find us and strip us of our safety, happiness and everything we cherish.

But we can succeed if we have the strength, resolution and the willingness to persevere.

B. Sides @ 11:08 AM